Some people tweet write like they speak. There’s nothing wrong with that, I always say. It gives character, personality, to the writing. Which is good. Some people also spell like they speak. There’s everything wrong with that. It’s not when words are misspelled that is most annoying—it’s when people write the wrong word because it sounds like what is spoken.
Exhibit A: “Could of, should of, would of.”
WRONG.
You should have realised that ‘could’, ‘should’ and ‘would’ are auxiliary verbs (or ‘helping’ verbs), which require a verb for them to work properly. You also should have realised that ‘of’ is a preposition and not a verb, and that the proper written form should at least be “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.” Just because the “’ve” sounds like “of”, doesn’t mean that it is written that way. Man, I hate English sometimes.
Exhibit B: “Try and do something.”
WRONG!
When you attempt something, however mundane it may be in that mundane life of yours, you use the infinitive: try to do something. If you try and do something, it doesn’t make sense most of the time. Let’s see… “I’m gonna try and use grammar properly.” Using the conjunction ‘and’ instead of ‘to’ separates the sentence into two bits: “I’m gonna try” and “(I’m gonna) use grammar properly”. You’re going to try and use grammar properly? ‘Try’ is a transitive verb, and it requires either an object or a verb in the infinitive, indicating purpose. Not off to a good start with the grammar, are we?
“Come and do something” is probably the cause saying for this common error. You can come and you can do something. You can also come to do something.
Exhibit C: “Get lost looser!”
EVEN MORE WRONG!
‘Lose’ is a verb. ‘Loose’ is an adjective. Some of you losers can’t even tell the difference. Fail.
Exhibit D: “Beowulf lead the men into battle.”
WRONG AGAIN!
‘Lead’ can be a verb or a metal. The past tense form of the verb is ‘led’, and is pronounced the same as the metal. You could either say “Beowulf leads the men into battle” (present tense) or “Beowulf led the men into battle” (past tense). Confused? The present tense form of the verb ‘to read’ changes pronunciation in the past tense just like ‘to lead’, but the spelling remains the same. I read about it.
Exhibit E: “She’s going to insure that doesn’t happen.”
WRONG. JUST WRONG.
LEARN TO READ, FFS.
Insure. Ensure. You should ensure that you insure your car on time. ‘Insurance’ is related to the verb ‘to insure’. Remember this. The verb ‘to ensure’ means to secure or to guarantee. These are facts.
I see these mistakes all the time. Mostly written on bathroom walls, which could explain the bad grammar, but people should be familiar enough with their language’s written form to know not to make some of these obscure mistakes that most people probably wouldn’t even see or care about.
Ugh. All this complaining has got me down. I’m going to fix that—and fill out the rest of this column—with a bit of creativity. I’m introducing a new feature to my writing. Feel free to use it in your own academic work. I have invented… written awkward silence!
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