A Victoria University of Wellington student is in custody and another was hospitalised following a bizarre internet-related assault involving the popular virtual farming game FarmVille, which is available through the social networking website Facebook.
The alleged crime occurred on Friday 2 October in the RB computer suite of Victoria’s Kelburn campus.
Witnesses say the accused, a 19-year-old Karori resident, had waited placidly in line to use a computer until “he finally broke and started going crazy”.
Reports say he was heard screaming at another student. “I HAVE A PAPER WORTH THIRTY FUCKING PERCENT DUE IN HALF AN HOUR! Get OFF Facebook! Some people actually need to use the computers! STOP PLAYING FARMVILLE! I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR RASPBERRY CROP!”
The accused then allegedly pulled the victim from his chair and kicked and punched him several times before sitting down at the victim’s computer.
Witnesses say he was then heard muttering “Print, print, gotta print this out.. ooh shit.. out of toner.. I’m soo fucked,” before police arrived and arrested him. The accused was not available for comment.
Salient has obtained an exclusive interview with the victim. “Yeah, I’m gonna press charges. He kicked the crap outta me. I had to go to the ER. And I peed blood this morning,” he claimed, from behind a MacBook Pro.
“And he was totally wrong, like, I wasn’t even planting raspberries. They were superberries and I was harvesting them. They wither in like half an hour, you know. I didn’t have my laptop so I used the university’s computers. They’re for everyone, right?
“FarmVille is important. I don’t mind suffering for it. Check out these windmills. I have five of them. And I made a status update about this and it got about twenty ‘likes’. That’s weird, you know? Why would people like the idea of me being beaten up?”
The case is set to begin in December, with the accused expected to plead not guilty on grounds of temporary insanity.