Home About

Ways to traumatise a child for life:




1. Kill their mother then yourself in front of them with a chainsaw
2. Child porn, anyone?
3. Lock them in a closet only to beat them twice a week
4. Tell them peeing is the Devil trying to escape their body
5. Steal their candy

Things house pets are really thinking about when they just stare at you:
1. How much they wanna hump the furniture when you’re not looking
2. How itchy their anus is
3. Why the hell tigers didn’t come up with this deal sooner
4. How tasty your liver would be with a fine Chianti
5. How warm your head would be to sleep in, if they scooped out your brain and made it into a bowl shape
Things to wake up to:
1. People staring at you. It’s really freaky, if you haven’t had it
2. Sleeping in a pool of your own vomit
3. Your own coffin
4. Your eyes leaking out of your face… I hear it happens in space
5. A cat sleeping in your skull
New TV Game Shows:
1. Who wants to be a Homicide?
2. The Newly Deads: Necrophile edition
3. The Hating Game: Nazi style
4. STD Swap
5. Slave of the Century
Other cartoons that need to be made into films:
1. Captain Planet
2. Thunder Cats
3. Voltron
4. Samurai Pizza Cats
5. Sailor Moon
People to play Captain Planet in the movie:
1. David Bowie
2. Richard Dean Anderson
3. Sue Bradford
4. Jeff Walker
5. Nandor Tanczos
Causes of the next Holocaust:
1. Zombies!
2. Teen horror films
3. Metalcore
4. Nelson Mandela
5. Cannibals
Things to put away before you let people walk into your room:
1. The alcohol that you stole off your flatmates
2. The money that you said you would pay people back with but haven’t
3. Your flatmate’s boyfriend
4. Your butt plug….especially if you’re a guy
5. Your BDSM, rape porn
Pizza Toppings:
1. Cheese, what the hell kind of pizza doesn’t have cheese?
2. Olives
3. Pepperoni
4. Camembert
5. The skin you stripped off your latest victim
Things we were supposed to have had by the year 2007:
1. Flying cars
2. Rocket packs
3. Robots in every house
4. New and exciting drugs that were made from computer programs
5. The end of days (and were not talking that shit Arnie movie) like seven years ago