The Victoria University Rowing Club has claimed more prizes than ever before at this year’s University Rowing Games, winning Best in Friendship, Most Handsome Boy, ‘Handsiest’ Girl, and Best Time Had Overall.
Victoria also came second overall in the final tally of race points, which “wasn’t too bad either”, according to general consensus.
Vic novice rower Glenn Flanders won the prize for Most Handsome Boy, after beating out some very tough competition from Otago and Auckland, but not really from Lincoln. New Zealand Rowing Selector Donald McDonald said Flanders was guaranteed the title thanks to his “rakish good looks and piercing blue eyes”. Most Handsome Girl went to a very tall and stern-looking rower Eunace Bilge from Otago.
‘Handsiest’ Girl went to Victoria’s Laura Hope after getting “very familiar and, quite frankly, a bit inappropriate” with coaches from Massey Wellington and Auckland University, and a security guard at the Leamington Pub, where the after-party was held on Saturday.
Coach Hhneaughh Peterson spoke briefly with Salient about the team’s success, particularly, one Michael Laramet’s first place in the Best Time Had Overall category.
“It’s been a great weekend for us all but a few individuals shone through, like Mike, who won the award for Best Time Had Overall. He put his heart and soul into running around like a headless chook, getting on the piss, making new friends, and laughing. He really did us proud. Boy, he had a good time.”
The real victory for Victoria, however, came in the form of the prize for Best in Friendship. The award was based on intricate considerations including the number of high-fives per team over the course of the weekend; which team had developed the most in-jokes; which teams were still able to maintain friendly relations even after severely fucking up a number of races; and so on.
Otago was pipped at the post when they lost a number of vital points after a particularly frightening Men’s Tournament rower pulled the arms off a teammate for coming out of time with the rest of the crew.
The victorious Wellington team celebrated their triumph by sitting in ten hours of Easter weekend traffic and talking very loudly over one another for the whole ride home.