In a move to make printing on campus more efficient, Victoria University of Wellington has switched its printing services provider from Fuji Xerox to six medieval monks writing on leather parchment.
8/10 students at Victoria in 2018 report being frustrated by the printing services on campus, and 3/10 report having to pick up another part-time job to compensate for how much money the printers swindle from them each year. 9/10 report fantasizing about destroying a printer this semester.
One first-year student told Salient she’d stopped handing in assignments altogether, and was considering her options for dropping out. “I put $50 on my account during O-Week, and in five weeks I haven’t managed to print a single thing.”
Victoria University says that the monks were contacted after Library staff found the constant moans of despair from printing stations in blue zones “unmanageable”. One staffer said in an interview with Salient that the change is “long overdue,” and that the monks are “likely to respond to instruction better” than the old printers.
The switch has also been widely celebrated by students. “It just makes sense,” said Masters student Tessa Carson. “I’ve been here 16 years. The printers never fucking work.”
Three monks will be stationed at Pipitea, and three at Kelburn Campus. The Architecture and Design School has been allocated no medieval monks, due to issues surrounding the monks’ capacity for 3D printing.
Vegans @ Vic are currently amid discussions with the monks as to options for providing a vegan alternative to leather parchment.
*Disclaimer: This is shit news*