I’ve been working 80-hour weeks all year. I haven’t had a social life. My life is Salient. While you may have a romantic notion of what this job entails, I can assure you, a lot of the time, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Don’t get me wrong, this is without doubt the best job I’ll ever have, but man do you have some shit to deal with. So this week, Salient rates the reasons why you should not be the editor of Salient.
The President who can’t get their column in on time 7/10
The President only has to write 400 words. And get it in by Tuesday 5pm. It’s actually not that hard. Seriously. Heck, I’ve written 2400 word features in four hours.
Not going to anything at all ever on a Thursday night (not even Vampire Weekend on your birthday) 10/10
Thursday is production night. Our deadline is 7am Friday. This means I have done 25 all-nighters this year and there is no way of avoiding it. No amount of forward planning or early deadlines will prevent the inevitable. Just cancel everything you might have planned for a Thursday now. Even Vampire Weekend on your birthday (yes, we’re still a little bitter).
You get fat 4/10
While not strictly true this year, in previous years Salient editors have been known to pile on the pounds as they follow a strict diet of junk food and not much else. This has also been known to contribute to the affliction known as ‘editor skin’ (see separate entry below).
Editor skin 5/10
Thought you were over that awkward teenage pimply stage? Think again. Sleep deprivation, a poor diet, stress and a serious lack of appropriate hydration results in a weekly breakout beginning some time around midnight Wednesday, that does not go away until midday the following Monday. Washing your face twice daily doesn’t help in this instance.
Being grumpy. all the time 9/10
Seriously. I’ve never been so fucking grumpy in my life. Also, why are there so many morons around?
Lack of romantic prospects 3/10
There is not much hope of meeting someone while you’re editing Salient, eating free noodles from VUWSA for dinner most nights, with a face covered in stress pimples. Then again, you could get lucky.
You don’t get as much free stuff as you think you’ll get 6/10
I thought I’d be rolling in free stuff and invites to swanky events. We got sent some chocolate and mini Oreos by KFC once. But that’s about it. And every swanky event we get invited to is on a Thursday (see above entry on not going to anything at all ever on a Thursday).
Having the best laid plans fall through 8/10
Just when you thought everything was going to plan—BAM! Some moron comes along and fucks your shit up. It’s really annoying. It also contributes to being grumpy all the time (see separate entry above). The
moral of the story? Just make it up as you go.