Sometimes you just can’t help it. Nature calls and you have to do a poo at uni. Perhaps you got up late and forgot to do your routine morning poo. Maybe you had a big lunch. Maybe something in your belly is not quite right. Whatever the predicament you find yourself in, it’s always nice to know where there’s a quiet place to go on campus to do your business.
The mysterious tiled bathroom in Old Kirk
We’re not sure where exactly this is. Its location is known only to a sly few. Apparently there’s also free nice-smelling moisturiser. First person to come to the Salient office with the details of this bathroom’s location will win a prize.*
10/10
The Editor’s desk at Salient
This is wrong on so many levels.
0/10
The toilets in the atrium at Design School
Design School is a small place. If you poo in the bathrooms in studio, everyone knows it’s you that made the smell/mess. So why not go for the toilets in the atrium? That way there’s less of a chance that you’ll run into your classmate, and you can always blame the person in the cubicle next to you for the stench. Bonus points for paper towels.
6/10
Level 7 of the library
There’s never anyone there. You can go about pooping in peace.
7.5/10
Level 0 of Easterfield
Apparently there’s soft toilet paper and decent-sized cubicles. Soft toilet paper for bum wiping FTW.
8/10
Level 2 of the Student Union Building, by the Union Hall
ZOMG! Foamy soap! We love the foamy soap. Sure, it kind of looks like shaving cream, but it’s such a nice texture. The women’s bathroom comes complete with a baby changing table.
8.5/10
Level 2 of the Library
Pretty much the worst place to poo at Kelburn. There’s always a line. It’s highly likely you’ll run into someone you know. There’s no hiding any noise. There’s only paper towels if you get there at 9am. This place is only for number ones. Unless you’re desperate.
1/10
Thoughts on pooping in disabled toilets
Pooping in a disabled toilet is comparable to parking your car in a designated disabled car park.
Poopin’ at Pip?
Head to the Railway Station for anonymity plus!
*Okay, we can’t guarantee what this ‘prize’ will be exactly, but it’ll be good. Hopefully. Like, we can probably give you a Red Bull shot.