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Pachali Brewster



Today, in honour of the general sexuality theme, I’m going to talk about bi-curiosity. Now, when I say ‘bi-curious,’ I’m largely referring to the blurry line between straight and bisexual, although it works equally well between gay and bisexual (and at this point, I think it’s important to note that bisexuality and bi-curiosity are two separate things). And sometimes someone might even jump fence entirely, from straight to gay or back. Bi-curiosity can range from the repeated wondering of what it would be like to have sex with the same sex, to the actual desire for it to happen sooner or later if the chance presents itself, and perhaps even again (and again) after that. It can also arise with confusing crushes of varying intensities on the same sex. This curiosity can last for a short while, or it can continue for the rest of one’s life, especially if never acknowledged.
Interesting backstory: I looked forward to writing this column for months, and when I finally got here, I realised I didn’t have a clue what to write about. So I took it to the streets. What I found was a wide range of opinions on bi-curiosity, including a few negative reactions from several bisexual people in particular; that bi-curious seems to imply a more physical curiosity than an actual full-blown yearning for the same sex person. Many people (queer and straight) said that bi-curiosity was the straight man’s dream: that women could have wild, passionate sex with each other without the threat of them being legitimately and constantly attracted to other women. It’s sex without romance. In this way, some bi people felt that the concept of bi-curiosity undermined the representation of their sexuality, by making sex with both sexes seem like a flippant and whimsical decision. There are some queer women who refuse to do anything with bi-curious people, on the grounds that they aren’t serious enough about it. Publicity stunts by Britney and Madonna don’t really help, either. The remainder of bi people, and some straight ones as well, thought that the term bi-curious existed as yet another label, in the need to be able to put everyone in a sexuality box – when, in reality, sexuality is as fluid as freshly squeezed toothpaste.
I would have thought that bi people would be the most open to the idea of bi-curiosity – given that, in all likelihood, it’s how they started to realise that they were bisexual. But I guess that when you spend a lot of time and effort trying to figure out if you’re bisexual or not, the implication that it could be a mere phase can be beyond insulting. So don’t worry about any mildly irate bisexuals. You be yourself. And most of the gays and straights I asked felt neutral or positively about bi-curiosity anyway, as anything queer is a good thing.
Someone suggested I write about the practical things that a bi-curious person could do to alleviate their curiosity, without going all out into the gay scene. But the only advice I can think of is to keep an open mind, remember that flirting is just a game, and, most importantly, to not be afraid to take an opportunity when it comes up (not to be confused with taking an opportunity just because it comes up. You don’t want to be fooling around with someone you don’t like, no matter what your orientation). If you’re bi-curious, I highly recommend you do something about it before you get married or something, because you don’t want to be spending the rest of your life wondering if you’re attracted to that sex or not. That being said, don’t go hurting anybody if you aren’t all that curious. But that being said, there is life after marriage – I’ve heard that threesomes with married couples rock!
Incidentally, I seem to have developed Bi-curiousdar. I’ve figured out that someone may be bi-curious if they have indicated that they’re straight, but they are interested in same sex issues/talk, in a sort of objective, detached way. Or not. They ask probing questions, and sometimes they’ll start to hang around queer people. They seem like open-minded people who just don’t know much about queer sex, and want to learn more. So you’d better give it to them. But then again, I’d say almost everyone has at some point been “bi-curious”, in the sense that we’ve all wondered what it would be like to have sex with the same sex (or the opposite sex, in gay and lesbian cases).
P.S. Pride Week! WOOOO! The funnest week on the queer calendar. I encourage everyone (including you, straight people) to go to as many events as you can, because (for me at least) it has always been an insanely fun time.