Imagine being ostracized from society for a mental disorder. It’s a crazy thought, but it does exist for one minority that lives alongside us in our world: non-offending individuals suffering from paedophilia.
Picture this: a basic white girl sitting in the library, sipping kombucha, and reading an article published by the “Virtuous Paedophiles movement”. A strange sight, I know. Due to being around soccer mums for the majority of my childhood, I had never been exposed to this argument, yet I found the subject compelling. I, like the majority of the people I surround myself with, viewed “paedophiles” as unfavourable individuals who are immoral and not deserving of the same rights as the rest of the population, but quickly after scanning the Virtuous Paedophile’s website, I quickly found that I didn’t know enough about this subject in order to form this opinion. Everything I had ever been told about these people was being completely contradicted on the “Virtuous Paedophiles” site. I set out on an interesting journey full of curious conversations in order to educate myself on this ongoing stigmatization of paedophiles, and why this may not be a good thing.
The Virtuous Paedophiles movement is an online based support group and movement aimed at providing support for those who suffer from paedophilia and removing the stigma that surrounds it. They do not want any laws changed or ages of consent lowered, and they think any sexual interaction with a child is completely wrong.
I reached out to co-founder of Virtuous Paedophiles, Ethan Edwards*. He stated that if a young male was to openly confess to having paedophilic sexual preferences and urges, “He could be kicked out of school, removed from his home, and forbidden from being anywhere children are. His parents might disown him”. And keep in mind this is only confessing that he feels this way. The imaginary individual we are talking about hasn’t even committed an unlawful act.
Virtuous Paedophiles simply want acceptance from our community, and from themselves. Edwards said “we encourage celibate pedophiles to let go of feelings of shame and distress”. They view their paedophilic interests and urges almost as one would view a sexual orientation.
But is it a sexual orientation? I sat down with Professor Tony Ward, a professor of clinical and forensic psychology at Victoria University. He said “I would describe it, broadly as a mental disorder”. He said there are two variations of this mental disorder that we associate with paedophilia. The first being people with paedophilic interests (described as more of a preference) and those who have paedophilia (an exclusive sexual attraction). The members of the Virtuous Paedophile movement fall into the second of these categories. This is shown though their online site; they identify themselves as “having paedophilia” and describing it as a “strong and persistent sexual attraction”.
But I guess the real significant question underlying this is, is this a choice? And the answer is no. Professor Ward states, “Sexual preference is something that we do not choose to have. If they could choose then they wouldn’t have experienced the trouble they have over the years.” Edwards told me that they “did not choose pedophilia and they cannot make it go away”.
Is it was possible for someone who suffers from pedophilia to refrain from committing unlawful acts for their whole life? Professor Ward said, “all I know is, over the course of my career I have worked with people who have paedophilic interests and have never been charged with an offense, and there’s no evidence to suggest that they have ever committed an offense. These people range in ages from 20 to 70 so I would have to say [non-offending paedophilia] is possible based on what I have seen”.
Edwards said that very few past-offending paedophiles (people who have committed paedophilia, but have now stopped) have joined the site. “Our online peer support group has over 3,000 registered accounts. Of those who have posted to describe their situation, I would guess five percent (5%) are in [the situation of being a past-offender].” But how are we supposed to effectively test these claims?
So all in all, we have no idea how many “virtuous” paedophiles exist. It is extremely rare to find a non-offending individual who is open about their sexual disorder. This means we cannot know how many non-offending paedophiles are in our population, and therefore cannot know the percentage of how many offend in their lifetime.
There is an obvious link that the less stigma surrounding the condition, the more people will come forward confessing to this sexual preference, and therefore more people can get help. When discussing this with Professor Ward, he agreed with me. “I think [the stigma] is a serious problem, and related to that, a false representation of what paedophilia is and the condemnation around it makes it much harder for people to seek help.”
There is reason to believe that we can actually somewhat effectively help paedophiles control these urges. Edwards said, “the help that is needed is help in avoiding harmful actions. That can involve staying out of tempting situations, building a life with strong social bonds and healthy pursuits, and perhaps someone to contact for support if things get very difficult”. Ward elaborates on the most effective (and most easily attainable) help for this disorder is in fact in professional treatment.
“There are a number of sexual reconditioning techniques used in treatment programs that are helpful, but certainly we need to be creative and think about other possibilities. I think the use of sex robots or virtual technologies are worth exploring.”
Professor Ward stated that paedophilia “doesn’t define the totality of the person”.
He then said that many people with disorders and problems “can contribute enormously to society”. However because paedophiles have harmful urges, doesn’t that make them dangerous and therefore different to most of us? “The questions are what do they do with those inclinations and motivations, and how do they respond to them,” said Ward. “I think the sign of being a good person or a virtuous person is that you realise this is a harmful motivation, that you don’t act on it and you do everything you can to ameliorate its influence.”
This lines up with the Virtuous Paedophile movement’s beliefs. They do not offend, nor do they encourage offending. They believe no sexual act with a child is ever acceptable. They simply want to create awareness of the individuals suffering from paedophilia so they can remove the stigma surrounding it, so these people can live full, happy, law-abiding lives. Edwards said “it will really help when many people know a non-offending pedophile, the reaction is not just ‘Eeeek!’ but ‘Has he molested anyone? Do people think he has done specific things with children that are worrisome? Has he done lots of things with kids in the past, and if so has anyone complained?’ And if the answers are ‘no’ then consider him just a person.”
Professor Ward said our need and instinct to protect our children is spurring our hatred, and the weight that child sex abuse crime carries. “Children are more vulnerable, children can be easily physically harmed, and children cannot consent, they are not psychologically equipped to consent and they don’t know what they are consenting to. That is not going to change,” he said. The other reason we hate paedophiles is the harmful nature of the crime. “It has devastating effects on people. That’s really the issue,” said Ward. I have known and talked with people close to me who have dealt with child sexual abuse, and the trauma and the emotional damage from this offense is huge. Another huge factor is that the majority of these people who suffer from paedophilia are male. I believe due to the typical male body type being a lot larger and stronger than a child, this could be another factor to add to our stigmatisation of paedophiles.
When reaching out to the Virtuous Paedophile movement, I was extremely nervous. I made a fake email address and made a conscious effort to not include my full name, my country, my age, or anything personal about me. Why did I do this? My little brain couldn’t fathom in that moment that I was strengthening the stigma that surround paedophilia though my apparent fear of these people, even though the are self proclaimed completely law-abiding citizens (probably more law abiding than me). I was, in that moment, prejudiced. I realised that these people feel this fear and misunderstanding of who they are every single day.
Though this investigation into this issue I realised that the stigma was unavoidable. It was strengthened by the co-founder of the Virtuous Paedophiles going under a pseudonym as it showed that they were bowing to the stigma they are fighting against. I think I, myself, also had a hard time dealing with this stigma; I have tossed and turned over putting my name on this article due to its controversial nature.
In these last few weeks my sheltered, basic, brain has been blown away by these issues that I’ve never thought about. But I don’t believe the issue of society ostracising paedophiles will ever really be solved. The issue of the stigma surrounding paedophilia (and this is referring to non-offending individuals) remains highly relevant, and we as a society need to stop ignoring it and address what is happening, but I don’t know if this fear surrounding paedophilia is wrong.
We as a society have reason to fear. Due to the internet age, we are now more aware than ever of the crimes being committed in our communities. We see, first hand, the pain and damage that child sexual abuse crimes can cause and we, rightly so, fear this pain and damage. The stigma towards paedophiles is caused by our attempts to protect our children. I like to think that this small journey I took into the mindset of an extremely hated minority of non-offending individuals changed my views significantly, but I honestly still don’t know. My eyes have definitely been opened however to the different world that these individuals have to live in.
Paedophiles are human beings like us and many of them haven’t done anything legally wrong and just want help. I feel sorry for these people as they will never be able to have a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship with a consenting adult. It is not a choice or something anyone wants to suffer from, but I don’t believe our society will ever be able to completely look past the fact that these people are sexually attracted to our children, whether they have offended in the past or not. This stigma we have created looks like it is here to stay, at least for the foreseeable future.
*Ethan Edwards is a pseudonym