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SALIENT MORALLY dominated the annual VUWSA-Student Union-Salient soccer match last week, playing two flawless game despite the opposition employing tactics that one commentator described as “vicious and dastardly”.
During the Union-Salient match, Music Editor Bea Turner was attacked by a Union player, who violently launched a ball-like projectile into Turner’s hand. Demonstrating superior leadership, Editor James Robinson refused to leave the injured player to die, instead sending in Subeditor In Chief and star player Marianna Kennedy to rescue Turner from certain death at the hands of the Union’s Mogadishuesque mob.
The doctors who treated Turner said that she is likely to survive, though it is unlikely that she will play in the 2010 World Cup.
While referee Gareth Robinson was distracted by a suspiciously timed call on his cellphone, VUWSA Women’s Rights Officer Caroline Prendergast attempted to manhandle the remaining female Salient player Nicola Kean, crushing her into a corner.