You can call me a lot of things but dishonest is not one of them… Ok fuck, it is, but you know who’s worse than me? That Katy Perry bitch. Who does she think she is? “I kissed a girl, and I liked it…” Well so have I. Hell I’ve had a Nazi themed three-way on the steps of the Student Union while the Vic Books staff sang “Eternal Flame” by The Bangles.
I’ve got no problem with kissing girls; it’s one of my favourite pastimes besides gun collection and stealing land, but I get annoyed when people try and make this abnormal. Girl love shouldn’t be weird or only done to attract the attention of men, it should be accepted and understood as more then a phase. The two singles from her latest album One Of The Boys insultingly named ‘Ur So Gay’ and ‘I Kissed a Girl’ are homophobic and not helping the sexually enlightened world I’m trying to achieve one first year at a time.
‘Ur So Gay’ has been justifiably described as “schoolyard homophobia”. Why must we suffer through this utter shit? Free yourselves from these puritan sexual norms!
The daughter of not one but two pastors (and straight ones at that), Katy grew up on God-fearing and gay-hating (well I can’t prove this, but I also can’t disprove it and what’s she going to do, sue me? Hah… no wait, please don’t). She says she’s not “a typical Christian” and this is true, because most typical Christians don’t release a gospel album then turn their backs on their beliefs to become more marketable to the ‘mainstream’.
In the same interview she claimed to have partaken in “lots of bad things“ during her teen years and if this is true then this admission of guilt must be followed (skeletons are the only thing in her closet). The last person I heard say something like that was my former hetero-life-partner, Mongrel Mob member Garry, and he was admitting to murder. WHAT DID KATY PERRY DO? Someone alert the appropriate authorities that this homophobic monster is on the loose, looking for her next prey.
My advice to Katy Perry and to all of you is to embrace the hedonist within, throw away your boring monogamy and silly sex taboos and join me next week at 10pm on the steps of the Student Union Building, just beneath Vic Books, for a life affirming exercise in fluid sexuality.