Ancient philosopher, musician, and birth child of the 808 system, Kanye “Watch This” West has risen from his year in the woods without social media and human contact (Kim Kardashian is yet to be confirmed as 100% human).
During his alone time in the woods, Kanye has discovered that slavery in America was a choice, and any participant could have opted out at any given time. “Long hours, unfulfilling work, and horrible meals? It’s just like a school club. Why did people sign up? Lol,” said Long Meat Marcus, one convinced hip-hop head.
“I mean it just makes perfect sense, why didn’t we think of this before?” explained Marcus over the smokey fumes of his now incinerated ancestors’ antiques from their high school club.
West could possibly be creating controversy for hype to accompany his upcoming album in June — an album which is eagerly awaited by Donald Trump and the 17 other people who are struggling to still support West.
West also discovered how to sample the sound of time, and the right amount of cheese to put in a toastie. The public is eagerly awaiting his discovery of how to shut the fuck up.
*Disclaimer: This is shit news*