“Bu-bu-bu-bu-but…”—Media Studies
In a historic decision, the High Court has ruled popular university piss-take known Media Studies is not a real academic subject, settling one of the most contentious academic quagmires of recent times.
The civil suit brought by the New Zealand Association for Real Subjects (NZARS) contended that Media Studies failed to meet “pretty much every academic standard.”
In delivering his ruling, Judge Geoff Schirato cited the subject’s historic inconsistencies and astonishing lack of consequence in today’s world of academia.
“Despite the ever present feel of the media caressing the veritable thighs of popular culture, Media Studies has failed to, well, do anything of value,” Judge Schirato said.
“When one considers the impact traditional academic forms of inquiry like philosophy, law, science, and English have had on modern discourse, and puts them alongside whatever the fuck it is you do in Media Studies, then, shit, it speaks for itself.”
Supporters of Media Studies have moved that the subject—which poses to question the role and impact of information media on universal understanding—does have intrinsic value.
Victoria University Media Studies lecturer, Associate Professor Samuel Rickards, slammed the ruling, suggesting it “missed the point” of studying media.
“Media Studies covers, like, important things you wouldn’t, like, see in real life,” Associate Professor Rickards said.
“I challenge anyone touting a PhD from Oxford to call my 200-level video game class a waste of time.”
Media Studies graduate and News Editor of Victoria University student magazine Salient Michael Oliver insisted the four years he spent pursuing a degree in the subject was worth his time.
“There is no doubt that the umpteenth hours I spent in class dicking around watching Simpsons eps and questioning whether the BBC Office was better than the NBC version was time well spent,” Oliver said.
Proponents of the civil suit have argued that Media Studies should be reclassified as a “polytechesque” subject.
Chairman of NZARS, Matthew Johnstone, called the ruling a damning indictment against laziness and halfarsery in New Zealand tertiary education.
“If I sit around on the internet downloading episodes of House while simultaneously listening to the Arcade Fire for three years straight, should I be awarded a degree in Media Studies? Because if so, I’ve earned that piece of shit two times over.”
The office of Tertiary Education Anne Tolley rejected Salient’s requests for comment, saying that the Minister “couldn’t possibly comment” on the legitimacy of any university subject.
“She’s not Superwoman,” the office said.