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Eye on Exec

Laura McQuillan



At a recent Aoteroa Student Press Association (ASPA) conference of student media types like myself, other writers expressed their jealousy of the endless abundance of material the VUWSA exec provides for Eye On Exec.

The news editor of Otago University’s student magazine Critic said in an email last week: “Critic’s news team has watched in awe this year as the VUSWA exec has provided Salient with much insanely entertaining journalistic gold, but suspects it is not so great for the health of the Association. Our exec just do boring stuff…like competently doing their job.”
The ASPA crew were shocked to see photos of Welfare Vice-President Heleyni Pratley’s ‘Lovely’ wall art and reading of Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard telling Activities Officer Bernard-Bernard Galaxy that she hopes he fucking dies.
So far this year the VUWSA exec has lost three exec members, Education Officer Chris Renwick, who resigned a few weeks ago to do more homework, elected Women’s Rights Officer Amy Mitchell, who resigned before the University year began, and her replacement, Clelia Opie, who Salient last week reported was ‘fired’ for making $4176.84 worth of phone calls to psychic hotlines.
VUWSA Treasurer Alexander Neilson has since informed Salient that some of the phone calls were to “taro hotlines”, which we assume fill a niche in the popular market for Polynesian cuisine tips at between $3.99 and $4.99 per minute.
The exec succeeded last week in having what the University calls an “Other Hold” placed on Opie’s student account, meaning that she couldn’t add or change courses or graduate until the money was repaid to VUWSA. However, a few days later the hold was removed, with the Student Fees Coordinator telling Neilson, “We are not allowed to apply holds for issues relating to VUWSA. Apparently it must be for University issues only.”
Neilson told Salient he’d give us a comment after class but never showed up.
Also in exec news this week: Environmental Officer Tushara Kodikara sent an angry email to the exec stating that “Joel is just a dick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” after the barbecue booked by campus environmental group Gecko was at Education Vice-President Joel Cosgrove’s house for ‘cleaning’ (read: Satanic ritual) when they needed it for lentil burgering. Cosgrove has since apologized and the exec may or may not reimburse Gecko for $120 of lentils.
Less-dysfunctional students’ associations and publications nationwide will be relieved to know that a solution is in sight thanks to Queer Rights Officer Rachael Wright.
Wright has proposed that VUWSA ask the Student Union nicely to fashion them some stocks (those wooden planky things that people’s arms and heads were put in for punishment in mediaeval times) to be put in the Quad, and from 11am ‘til 2pm the day after an exec member pisses someone off, they will be put in the stocks to have pies thrown at them.
One of the main outcomes of the ASPA conference was the possibility of battling students’ associations’ execs to figure out which one is the weirdest. As we go to print, I think I can safely say VUWSA takes the cake this year. Top effort team!