Now, boys, circle round, it seems there are few things it looks like we need to talk about. Just a quick check up that we’re all on the same page when it comes to, y’know, being good people.
Well, number one is, well, we all know that men aren’t the victims of modern society, right? When Elle and I sent out the email soliciting pitches for this edition of Salient we felt that we had to add—‘“Also, please don’t waste our time with any ‘men are now just as repressed as women were’ articles. Because, seriously, they’re not.” We had to put that there because that idea is becoming more popular. More and more people are pointing to the fact that all the men in advertising are idiots and claiming that as some victory by the fictional feminazis, while steadfastly ignoring that at least men get to keep their clothes on in the majority of advertising.
Yes, there are issues about men’s position in the real world and there is a men’s rights movement worth following. Sadly, it is not the ‘Men’s Rights’ movement. It’s feminism. Feminism seeks equality and fairness. Feminism acknowledges all imbalances in gender relationships. Feminism is seeking to allow anyone to walk down the street without being victimised; female, male or other. It just happens that women are the ones facing the more common and obvious brunt of that these days. ‘Men’s Rights’ purports to be about the same things but simply isn’t. Its attempts at readjusting the perceived power imbalance in the favour of women almost without exception fall into one of two camps; complaining about divorce law or, much more malevolently, an obsession with grotesquely exaggerating the occurrence of false rape claims, which does much to help support rape culture. We know that, that’s a bad thing, right? Because it really is.
We also know that when someone says ‘No’ it means you stop. Right? It makes me sad that we have to go over this but I have had too many discussions about rape and associated issues derailed by men starting to list exceptions as if there is any time ever where non-consensual sex is acceptable. There isn’t. There just isn’t. I don’t care if you think she is leading you on. I don’t care if you have ‘blue balls’. I don’t care if you think she’s just being coy and really actually does want to but just needs a little encouragement. No means no. You get verbal consent. Then you bone. That’s how it works.
Anyone who ever states otherwise is gravely misinformed about how things actually work, is angry that he doesn’t have anyone to suck his cock because he’s such a ‘nice guy’ and girls always go for ‘bad boys,’ or a misogynist. Usually all three. Usually without really meaning any harm either. But not knowing better is no excuse.
Look, I know it’s hard. You feel so gawky and awkward and all you can see is other people being happy. Girls holding hands and kissing lips that aren’t yours. What have you done wrong? You are nice and all that seems to happen is that you end up stuck in “the friend zone.” I’m tempted to say that “it gets better.” I won’t because that implies that there is some external force at work here. It will only get better when you stop wasting your time snarking about how women don’t like ‘nice guys’ like you and passing your casually hateful judgement against them, and actually start talking to them. Then things will get better. Don’t be a ‘nice guy,’ just be nice.
This seems harsh and direct. You know it all. You’ve heard it all before. But a lot of you seem to need to hear it again. Stop being douches guys. I’m fucking sick of it.
Glad we had this chat though,
Uther Dean
P.S. Dear all women,
Sorry about the looking at your boobs thing. We know you know. We know we aren’t good at hiding it. We wish we didn’t but we really can’t help it.
Soz,
All Men