ONYA ARSE!
A 34-year-old piss choppin’ courier ex-tra-or-di-naire is finally givin’ this joint the old heave ho and pissin’ off on his big OE!
Mike the Courier (AKA Mike the Man Beast, AKA Mike the Strong, AKA Mike the Piss Choppin’ Lady Stoppin’ Scrum Poppin’ Courierasaurus!) got a big fat fuggin unfair dismissal payment from his plonker of a boss last week.
After shoutin’ the lads a few quiet brews, he waddled down to fuggin’ Flight Centre and slapped some green mulah on the desk.
“I said to the sheila, I said, ‘Oi! Oi, how much to go on a fuggin’ contiki? I wanna chop piss and make a diddle of me self in London town, ha ha!” I… I mean he said.
Aftah bein’ told a few hard truths about pissin’ off overseas, like what a fuggin’ passport is, and why yah can’t stand up midflight and say “Oi! I think this blimmin’ joker’s got a bomb strapped to his head! Oh nah, just jokes, it’s his fuggin’ pillow, ha ha!” Mike made his booking.
“Oh yeah, nah, I’m mean stoked, eh. I’m lookin’ forward to trying some new things, meetin’ people from different cultures, seeing what fuggin’ couriers look like over there!
“I hear there’s this New Zealand bar in London where all the ex-pats chop vessels, listen to some hard yakka Kiwi rock and talk about New Zealand all day every day. That’s got big Mike the Courier’s name all over it, ha ha!”
The courier was a bit miffed about being given the boot from his plum courier job, but was pretty amped about the sweet-as times ahead.
“I’ll be givin’ me old mate Salient a kick up the fuggin’ backside from over there,” he said.
“This won’t be the last time Mike the Courier tells you good bastards and top sheilas to get one down ya. I’ll be back in black, don’tcha worry. ONYA ARSE, SALIENT! GET ONE DOWN YA!”
Mike’s pissing off sometime before Chrissy. Fuggin’ A.